Millennials are turning to serving pork for Thanksgiving dinner and getting rid of the cranberry sauce. But, if people are going to eat cranberry sauce it's going to be the homemade kind opposed to the canned.
Slacker isn't doing anything for Thanksgiving. He says his children will remember Thanksgiving by him yelling at them for not eating everything on their plate. He cannot fathom that people eat pork on Thanksgiving and refuse to start eating it. He does have a tradition of buying pre-made gingerbread houses from Costco and his mother and kids decorate it.
Steve remembers his parents always making an ornate centerpiece for the Thanksgiving dinner. He says it's not Thanksgiving without a centerpiece. He has an artificial tree that has LED lights attached on the branches. He doesn't put anything on the tree, no ornaments, no nothing.
Lil D gets a CD every year in the mail. Every year after Thanksgiving dinner, he and his wife go home and listen to the promotional CD and put up the Christmas tree.
A driver was let go because he dropped acid, took the van into NYC, went to a rave, and lost the van. The company thought he was dead until the police called about the van. An employee was watching porn in front of the customers on his first day and insisted he was doing research for a friend.
Slacker says Steve found his calling in being a radio host. He questions Steve's statement because he says he's been in meetings where they talk about Steve (and not about his achievements). He admits to being a terrible worker when he worked for the airlines by laying on peoples suitcases.
Steve says he is a great employee. When he and Slacker were on a fly-away trip, Steve bought some adult magazines. He was sat with his boss and there was a lull in the conversation, so he whipped out his magazines and started flipping through them. They weren't allowed to do another of the fly-away trips again.
What's your worst co-worker or employee story? Or are you the worst worker?
Mike's girlfriend was approached on Facebook by an older man and was offered money if she would pretend to be his online girlfriend. Mike feels like the older man might want more from her in the long run. The older man doesn't know that Mike and her are together. He knows his girlfriend is all about the money in this situation and is concerned she might send him nude pictures for a large sum of money.
Slacker says Steve is always creeping on hot women on Facebook, but Steve says he never reaches out so it's not creepy. He says it's not really his position to allow her or not allow her to do this because it's her body. Slacker says take the money for as long as she can, but is worried the man will eventually want more.
Steve says if all she has to do is pretend to be a girlfriend online, then there's nothing wrong with it. But if it starts getting physical or more than online, it needs to be stopped. There was a friend of show that was in a similar situation and felt safe doing this until the man wanted more from her, and then she got out of the situation. He says take the money!
Should Mike be upset that his girlfriend is considering the offer?
A Cincinnati Bengals fan just got divorced and finally did what he has always wanted to do. He painted his house orange with tiger stripes. Something ladies do to celebrate singleness is reinvent their style.
Slacker says buying ice cream and eating it is not celebrating. He would love to be single during the holidays because it just simplifies everything. He never spent too much time being single because after break-ups, he would be in a new relationship not shortly after. He would celebrate his freedom by writing songs in his underwear and become a connoisseur of hookers. He would love to write with Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic.
Steve celebrates being single every day and he loves it. He calls his relationships flings because they are longer than dates, but shorter than long-term.
Lil D would celebrate his freedom by going on stadium tours of baseball parks. He just never has the time with his wife and family. He would also buy a boat because he has always wanted one.
At the show we steal a lot of ideas from Reddit so we are creating a bit called Reddit Ripoffs. Recently on Reddit, the topic of advice you'd give yourself before you had a baby got a lot of response. Here are a few of the things people wish they knew before having a baby:
Prepare to get sick
Say goodbye to your neat and orderly house
Kids learn quickly and will mimic everything you do
Children's brains absorb new information like sponges, and those little monkeys will mimic your every move
Your friendships may never be the same
You won't stick to your own rules
Feeding can be a constant battle
You might not bond right away (and that's OK)
Slacker had different views on parenting and kids before he had kids and now that he has kids and they have grown up a little, he understands everything every parent has said. He says he has seen Steve been blindsided by technology and was so peeved that Slacker didn't think Steve would be able to do the show. He would tell his pre-parent self to take photos of his children more often.
Steve says a lot of this stuff is common sense and people should see this stuff coming. He thinks many parents are blindsided by the simplest things.
Lil D thinks he wants to be more social with his child and snaps photos of them playing, but realizes his house looks like a tornado came through it. He would tell his pre-parent self that the one you think is the sweetest is going to be the worst at times.
What's one piece of advice you would give yourself before you had kids?
A Grandma is Massachusetts won the lottery a second time at the same place. A ten year old kid got a reservation at the infamous Sukiyabashi Jiro after he fell in the love with the movie Jiro Dreams of Sushi. He ate everything on the 20-course menu and Jiro said, "What a stomach." Two men drove their car into a harbor and survived.
Slacker says he is a victim of Murphy's Law because if something bad can happen, it happens. He was traveling from Mexico and realized he forgot his passport and convinced people to let him use his birth certificate. He was running low on gas on the way to the airport, missed his turn and ran out of gas. When he finally got to the airport he made it onto the plane in his Mexico clothes. It happened to snow back home and his car had a flat tire and no gas. So he was stuck outside in his summery clothes in the snow trying to hitch a ride to the gas station.
Steve was walking along the sidewalk and found an envelope full of $2,500.
Jessica's boyfriend has been watching adult videos that have bigger women in them. She is physically fit and lives a healthy lifestyle. She is considering gaining weight to save their 3-year relationship and overlooking all of her morals on a healthy life.
Slacker asks Jessica if she really wants to make her boyfriend happy. She says she would do anything to make him happy because the relationship is great. He brought up the fact that maybe she needs to drop the guy and find a new guy so that she can feel comfortable in her own skin. She hadn't considered that viewpoint, but really loves him.
Steve says men don't watch adult videos that look exactly like the person they are in a relationship with. Her boyfriend could just be going into fantasy land on the internet and really loves Jessica the way she is.
Should she drop all of her values and gain weight just to please her boyfriend?
A woman in Australia woke up in the middle of the night to her water breaking, but knew she couldn't make it to the hospital in time. Her boyfriend was there and was taking instructions from the dispatcher when he was too grossed out. He ran down the street to his sister's house and by the time they got back, the baby was out. A couple hit every red light on their way to the delivery room and had to stop at the nearby fire station. The father was trailing the ambulance and was pulled over by the police for trailing the ambulance too close. A couple had a few weeks before their baby was due so they had a huge party. The water broke during the party and the only sober person besides the mom was another pregnant lady. They grabbed the husband who was the least sober and put him in the car on the way to the hospital.
Slacker's wife had a C-section and was asked if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. He declined because he didn't want to see his wife's organs everywhere.
Steve says cutting the umbilical cord yourself saves you money because you did the labor.
What drama have you experienced in or on the way to the delivery room?
Sony announced they are stopping the production of Betamax tapes. The last time they made a player for Betamax tapes was 13 years ago. The cod population on the east coast is dwindling and therefor fish sticks are probably going to go away. Phonebooks are starting to go away and probably for a good reason. They are a huge waste of paper (except for people who still use them). A list of items that people should stop buying includes paper and plastic disposable items.
Slacker had a bunch of cassettes and wishes he kept them because they are becoming popular again. If he gets a phonebook, he will walk it directly to the recycle bin. He thinks Adobe Flash should go straight to hell along with web pop-ups and captia.
Steve still has all of his cassettes and LP's. He only wants fish sticks to survive because Slacker wants them gone. He likes the captias because he feels like he's accomplished breaking a code.
Lil D still eats fish sticks, but he makes the proper way on a cookie sheet in the oven. He uses the magnets that come on the phonebook more than he uses the phonebook. Lil D says the only thing newspaper is good for is silly putty which also seems to have gone by the way side. He also wants to eradicate the peanut butter and jelly mixed in a jar.
What are things companies should keep making? Things they should let go?
Annette and her family are going to her brother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving. He has guns and she has two kids that she doesn't want around guns. She wants to ask him to store the guns somewhere the kids can't get to them. Her husband talked to his brother about it and they won't budge.
Slacker asked what will happen if the brother-in-law doesn't move the guns. She said they will not go into the house at all. He and Steve both own guns and think that if the guns are responsibly stored, it is okay to have kids in the house. He wouldn't "cleanse" his house for guests because it is his house and he wants to protect his family in a way that some people are against.
Steve asked Slacker if he would remove his guns in this situation. Slacker responded saying he wouldn't ask someone to block channels on their TV to protect his child; he just wouldn't let his kids watch the TV.
There is a website that sells "medication" to solve all of your first world problems! Here are some great examples of FWP:
My iPhone fell out of my pocket and cracked my iPad.- mrjhandel
I can't use my toilet right now, because it's cleaning itself. - ravinhshah
I had so much leg room on this flight I couldn't reach the pocket on the chair in front of me. - thenorwegianblue
My DVR was too full to record Hoarders.- pottymouthgrl
I threw a champagne party to get rid of excess champagne, but guests brought champagne with them and now I have more than I started off with…- yashbo
I forgot to charge my electric toothbrush so I had to sweep the bristles across my teeth manually like some type of pauper. - ec2xs
I only got 1 dipping sauce with my 20 nuggets and had to ration it like it was WWII. – Sekujin
I don't know which key is to which BMW. -aperman
The HDTV in my fridge has a dead pixel. - Wiki_pedo
Not being able to fit your divorce settlement on a single line of a cheque. - Abshole1
Slacker says he can't wait to see what he and Steve will be like in their 70s because they are already like elderly women when it comes to complaining. One of his biggest first world problems is having too much takeout food in the passenger seat and the seatbelt beeper goes off. He wants to invent a seatbelt buckle that is just the buckle and people can put it in the seatbelt socket to stop the beeping.
Steve can't record stuff because his DVR is too full. Especially the TV show Hoarders. He also hates when there is no Wi-Fi or slow Wi-Fi because he can't stream TV shows.
Lil D hates slow Wi-Fi because he can't stream things onto his apple TV. His hot water heater got turned down somehow so he had to walk all the way downstairs to adjust it, but over adjusted it and has too much hot water now.
A woman in Massachusetts was having stomach pains so she went to the doctor. She found out she was pregnant and gave birth an hour later. A fisherman in Australia was out on a lake and caught a kangaroo. A father had a dream of walking the Great Wall of China so his son surprised him with a trip to China. A couple stopped by a store to see if their lottery ticket was worth anything and they ended up winning $2 million.
Slacker says it is impossible to surprise him. He would be scared to "save" the kangaroo because they can be aggressive. He wants to be surprised by listeners with the keys to a Lamborghini.
Steve and Lil D tried to surprise Slacker, but he found out about it because the guys were acting suspicious.
An 85-year old grandma shredded her $1.1 million fortune before she died to spite her family. But, the family can get the money back if they have the shreds of money and can prove the origin of the money. Oasis is trying to do a reunion tour, but one of the brothers (Liam) is trying to put it off for 5-years just in spite. There is a brothel in Germany that is offering free services to spite taxes.
Slacker was dating an attractive lead singer and a radio talk show host would always talk about how hot she was. She was on tour with ZZ Top when the radio show host said he had slept with her, even though she was supposed to be in a different state. After one of Slackers shows around the same time, he had met the radio show hosts girlfriend and got his revenge to spite the radio host. After that happened, the radio host tried to beat him up. He also lost his virginity out of spite.
Steve thinks there is little to no difference between spite and revenge.
My husband is into video games and one of his favorites was just released and it was also my sister's 35th birthday party. He decided to skip the party with all of our family and friends to stay home and play his new video game instead. He is 32 years old! I feel like playing video games is something that boys should do, not grown men. I have a couple of questions I need answered. First, can I tell him that he needs to stop playing video games and grow up? Second, are video games something that has ruined anyone's relationship? What was the breaking point? Thanks guys!"
Slacker says there are much worse things he could be addicted to. He thinks birthday parties after the age of 18 are pointless. He thinks video games are much different than TV or reading a book because you are talking/interacting with other people.
Steve says she should get out now because it is over. He argued that when Lil D was playing video games, his wife was always asleep, but he would be worthless the next day because he was up so late.
Lil D used to be a video game "addict". When his kids came along, he stopped gaming. When he started producing the show, he would go home after the show and play games until 3:00 in the morning. He says there is no difference from video games and watching TV or reading a book. He is living proof that talking to your man is acceptable because his wife had to sit him down to talk about winding down on the video gaming when they were having kids.
Have video games ever ruined one of your relationships?
A few months ago we talked to Kate. She was out with her boyfriend and ran into her ex. He gave her his phone number and said they needed to talk. Then he said he wanted to get back together with her. The first update we got from Kate was that she ended up calling him and he said he was afraid that he was falling for her too quickly. But he has done some soul searching and grown up a bit and wants to get back together with Kate. She had another update for us and they got back together and are getting married.
Slacker wants to be happy for Kate, but thinks he put Kate through too much. He wanted to know if Kate knew in her gut that this was going to work out in the long run. She said she is 80% sure it will.
Steve is happy for the couple because they have overcome so much.
Do you have any more advice for Kate about her upcoming nuptials?
A friend of the show was having problems with her phone so she took it in to the store to get it looked at. She found out she had an app tracking everything she did on her phone that her husband installed. When he told her it was him, she was totally okay with it.
Slacker says he is okay with his wife tracking his phone and he also wants to get his kids phones to track them and make sure they are safe. He has a location tracker on his phone so that his wife knows where he is. But, our friend's every move on her phone is being tracked; text messages and all. Slacker says it would not be good for his wife to monitor his searches or text messages.
Steve says people should be okay with their significant others tracking their phones. He would feel violated if his searches or text messages were monitored by someone else. He says when you say your vows you give up your privacy and now live one life between the two of you.
Would you be cool with your spouse installing a tracking app without your knowledge?
It's time for Drunk or Kid where you will tell us a story and the guys will guess whether you were drunk or a kid! Lil' D will start off the game by telling two stories he found and saying them in first person. The guys will then guess if Lil' D was drunk or a kid.
First story: I went into a house and the woman that lived there was like "Hey what are you doing here?" I then scattered and ran into a pan of frosted cupcakes that landed on me. The police found me and asked if I broke into the house to which I said no. They matched the frosting to the cupcakes in the house, but I still denied.
Second story: I was running short on cash and wanted something to drink so I went to the local convenience store. Then realized I was short on change and took the drink to the counter, pulled out my knife and made the employee give it to me for free.
Third Story: I was running short on cash sitting in my apartment. I thought to myself that the manager's office probably has a lot of money and noticed there was a chimney above the office. I climb down the chimney, but get stuck and have to be rescued by firefighters.
What stories do you have that will stump the guys on whether you were drunk or a kid?
Kevin is today's OPP. His wife just had dental surgery and as she was coming out of the anesthesia, she said that she wished she married her last boyfriend. Kevin told her about it a few days later and she said, "Of course I didn't mean that." Kevin feels like he is her plan B now and that she just settled.
Slacker understands his confidence is shaken, but says his wife could restore his confidence by saying the right thing. He says Kevin is living Steve's theory that all (most) women lost the one that got away and end up settling.
Steve says there is always the one that got away with women and to him it sounds like Adam might be the one. He thinks maybe what she said were old feelings that were brought back. She can say she didn't mean it for the rest of their life, but Kevin might not ever believe her.
If your significant other admitted something while coming out of anesthesia, would you believe it or just take it in context?
What should Kevin do?
Another man was lost in Milan for 10 years after not finding the right bus after a soccer game. He was presumed dead until he was found. A hunter got lost in the Australian desert without water for 6 days and had to eat ants to stay alive. An Italian man was lost in New York for 2 days after finishing the New York Marathon. An 82-year old woman went for a walk in the middle of the night in the woods when she realized she was lost. She didn't have enough energy to make it home so she sent her dog to go home to get help and the dog did it. Rescuers found her after her neighbors called the police.
Slacker got lost at camp trying to help another kid from getting lost. He said it was very cold and all he had was gorp (trail mix).
Steve went to a baseball game with some friends when he was younger and took the wrong bus home and was lost in a city he didn't know of. He found someone and they called his parents to come pick him up.
A study shows that people who say "like" or other filler words tend to be more conscientious than people who don't. But it's still annoying!
Here is a list of other annoying habits:
Constantly clearing throat
Oversharing on Facebook
Complaining about ailments
An ear-shattering sneeze
Slacker has three older brothers so it's hard to get under his skin. But, Steve has found a way to do it somehow. If he and the guys have a lunch meeting at 12:30pm, he will tell Lil D it's at 12:00pm and tell Steve it's at 1:00pm because he is always early. When he texts, he only uses ellipsis's like a teenage girl. He thinks his annoying habit is being a topper, when he unintentionally tries to top people's stories. Lil D hates how loud of a talker he is and that he is a barefoot at work kind of guy.
Steve gets annoyed by Slacker cracking his knuckles. He thinks he tells stupid stories and gives weird facts. Slacker loves that about him though. His most annoying habit is clearing his throat all the time. Lil D hates when Steve goes ghost on him, always doing the Irish goodbye.
Lil D unloaded how much Slacker annoys him. He thinks his annoying habit is being late and estimated time of arrivals are always way off.
A guy tried to do a wheelie on his motorbike in his living room. It backfired because he crashed straight into a set of French windows. A man in Oregon went on a car theft spree wearing a t-shirt disclaiming that he does stupid things. He was caught. A couple in California is accused of trying to sell a stolen dog. That catch is they tried selling it to the owners! The owners teamed up with the sheriff's department to pose as potential buyers and busted the two. Someone called 999 in the UK to see how to cook a chicken.
Slacker loves the way Steve says "Idiot." He thinks the U.S. should adopt the number 999 for emergency services because it would be easier to remember when traveling and easier for children to remember. He broke into a British accent to reenact how the call probably went.
Steve says anyone who tries to do a wheelie on a motorbike is an idiot anyways, but this guy just doubled his idiocrasy.
Mary was a having an affair with a man she knew was married. After they broke it off, she got married and had no contact with him for years. She recently received a call from the man's wife who desperately wants to talk to Mary. She doesn't sound malicious to Mary; she just wants some answers. Mary says she want to know if she was in the wife position, but she doesn't want to bring the old chaotic energy back into her life.
Slacker says if giving the woman the answers and closure to save her marriage, then she should do it. He thinks she feels a sisterhood connection and maybe wants to respond.
Steve has been the other man. He says it depends how he left the relationship if he would talk with the husband. He says that if they meet up they could become best friends and it might get awkward.
Why is she reaching out to Mary now? Does Mary owe this woman an explanation?
We've all had the awkward encounter with a stranger that goes something like this:
"Have a safe flight!" -Airline Employee.
"You too!" -Awkward You.
Twitter has blown up recently with awkward moments from tweeters. Here are a few:
I was once thanked by a grieving family member for coming to the funeral. I responded, "No, thank YOU!!" Worst!!!
Told a one armed man to tell his mother the flowers I just put together for her cost him an arm and a leg.
I apologized to a woman I nearly bumped into in a record store. It was my reflection in the window. I just dyed my hair blonde
The handsomest man I've ever seen once sat down next to me & said "Hi." I responded with "I'm eating a tootsie roll." He left.
Slacker is cringing because he has so many awkward stories. He once asked a girl if she had a tongue piercing when she really had a speech impediment. One time he went to fake a shot tossing it over his shoulder, but there was someone behind him. When the guys were at a sporting event, Slacker was asked to take a picture and grabbed the girls by the shoulder when he was the one who was supposed to take the picture.
Steve waves at people who are waving at the people behind him all the time. When he walks in the wrong direction he will pretend that he meant to do it.
Lil D was leaving someone a long awkward voicemail when he tried to reset the voicemail, but it didn't restart…so he was stuck with the awkward voicemail.
What's the most awkward situation you've been in with a stranger?
A man in Nebraska believes he and his son were poisoned by a methamphetamine-tainted coffee maker in a hotel. Soon after making and consuming the coffee, both he and his son got sick. A man had his face ripped off after a sofa was thrown out a 13th story window of the West London Hotel. A hidden camera was found in a shower at a Travelodge. A person staying at a five-star hotel opened up their bed to sheets with brown smudges. Later the hotel found a half-eaten candy bar under the sheets which explains the smudges. A couple staying in Guatemala found a cockroach in their room, killed it, and then found the walls behind the curtains crawling with cockroaches. The hotel fumigated the room, but the couple still didn't sleep that night.
Slacker loves being in hotels. He doesn't believe meth could be made in a coffee maker, after watching all seasons of Breaking Bad. He would call someone to investigate the brown smudges, but would want the information.
Steve is more of a home guy but doesn't mind hotels. He refuses to go #2 in public, so he will rent a room for a night just to go #2 in private. Steve would investigate the brown smudges because he would want to know what it was.
Hundreds of copies of The Little Red Riding Hood have been recalled from 283 elementary schools for being erotic literature. A man killed someone and went to the jail to confess. The deputy he confessed to told him he was in the wrong place and needed to go down the street a few blocks to the police station. A cleaner mistook an art installation in Italy as trash leftover from a party. She put all of the champagne bottles and other items in the recycle bins. Fortunately the artist was able to retrieve the installation and recreate it. General Mills is under fire because they accidentally made Gluten-Free Cheerios with wheat. According to GM's president, it was "human-error."
Slacker says he and Steve will down bottles of champagne and smoke a pack for less than half of what the art installation is worth if you want it in your home. His wife is gluten free and could have been affected by the mistake if she consumed them.
Steve says the murderer could have walked down the street and killed other people, so the deputy should have escorted him to the police station.
How bad do you or someone you know suck at your job?
"Yi Slacker & Steve,
My husband hurt his back at work and smokes marijuana to ease his pain. He has his medical card, so he's not doing anything illegal, but he will do it in front of our kids. They're 7 and 11 and I don't think it's appropriate to be doing it in front of them. What if the kids say something in front of the wrong person? They could be taken away from us! I've yelled at him for it before, but he says it's no different than taking Tylenol in front of them or drinking a glass of wine. He says if we treat it like medicine and explain that he uses it so his back doesn't hurt the kids won't make a big deal of it either. I still don't think it's right but he says he's not going to stop. Who's right?
Slacker says giving alcohol to children at an earlier age because the taboo is erased. He thinks bringing out a vape pen is acceptable, but if it's a bong that's completely unacceptable. He's not pro-pot, but can't see the difference between popping a pill and doing this.
Steve says it's just medicine. But, breathing in marijuana smoke is different than breathing in alcohol because it affects the kid's lungs.
A dentist in Florida was busted for pulling perfectly good teeth because he had a connection with a company who makes false teeth. A patient hit a dentist with a tire iron because he didn't like what the dentist said. A pot-head friendly dentist in San Francisco is being held at $75,000 bail in New York for running a cross country marijuana smuggling operation. He was in possession of $100,000 cash and was on the way to get paid for a large shipment of weed when he was arrested. For people with gag reflexes, if you put salt on your tongue you will focus more on the taste of your tongue than the gag reflex.
Slacker says the Novocain doesn't work on his wife so she feels everything. He prefers the laughing gas to the Novocain. He has a terrible gag reflex so that makes the trip to the dentist even worse.
Steve doesn't fear the dentist. He just fears the insurance part of it. He is worried that a dentist might slip and stab him in the mouth or eye.
A woman was out walking her dog one evening when her dog started staring into the dark and barking. She took a picture of where her dog was barking and captured a ghost couple walking their dog.
Creepy Office Story:
“My boss instructed me to go to the office one Saturday afternoon. Since it was a weekend nobody was there except a security guard. Nothing happened during the first two hours I was there. The office was completely silent. I decided to play some music on my computer to create a bit of noise while I edited my project. On the third hour I heard the sound of rubber shoes squeaking against marble floor. Then I heard the sound come closer as if it was running right in front of me. Take note that I was the only person within the office. There was nothing in front of me except empty desks and cubicles. The security guard was outside guarding the main entrance. He had to walk through a long hallway before entering the office area. It was unlikely that I was hearing his footsteps. So I stopped the music to listen to it more clearly. It kept running from left to right then back again and it really sounded as if it was happening right in front of my desk. Then I heard three different voices laughing behind my back. This time, the hair on my arms rose. I shut the music off. The laughter continued on. That was it. I just couldn’t ignore it anymore. I saved my project to my USB, logged off my computer, grabbed my bag and walked away. It was company policy that the last person leaving the office must also lock the door. Since I was the only employee in the area, I had to make sure that it was locked properly. Halfway through the hallway, I heard something click and turn. By this time my heart was pounding faster and faster. I knew I shouldn't have looked back but I did. The door that I was so sure was locked slowly swung open. There was no wind. Nobody was there. Then it slammed back shut.”
Slacker added his own sound effects to add to the terror. His favorite was “ghost wails” which sounded like whales mating.
Steve tried to poo-poo every story because he isn’t scared of anything.
Lisa is remarried and has step kids and a son from her previous marriage. Her step kids have been being mean to her son. She wants them to stop because they are all a family now. She says her new husband is blind to his own kids’ shortcomings, just brushing the situation off as “they’re just kids.”
Slacker asks if Lisa’s son wants to leave. She thinks it’s good for him to have a fatherly figure and he was really excited to have a brother and sister. But, she is disappointed that it has come to this. He thinks the step kids are at the age where it will only get worse if nothing is done. He does think the kids are in the wrong though.
Steve says Lisa’s first instinct is to be a mother to her son and protect him. He offers the advice of evening out the situation by being mean to her step-kids.
How can she ease the tension between the step kids and her son?
A 19-year old from Colorado was found safe nine miles from her home. She had been sleepwalking and found herself near her uncle's house where she called her parents. They think she might have taken a bus to travel the nine miles. A woman cut off five inches of her hair, another bought $350 of underwear, someone woke up with a watermelon in their bed, and a mom found her daughter cooking bacon and pancakes.
Slacker has a family full of sleepwalkers. He slept walk when he was a kid looking for his Christmas presents. He will find his son walking around the dining room table at night while sleeping. He has armed his house so that his kids can’t sleepwalk out of the house.
Steve has never slept walk. He imagines sleepwalkers as Frankenstein with stiff legs and arms stretched out. He also thinks if you wake sleepwalkers up they will die. He does know people who sleep text.
A British Radio Host claims he snuck into the new James Bond movie premier by recreating fake tickets and credentials. He copied a ticket someone had posted to Instagram. Top guests who were at the premier included Prince William and Princess Kate Middleton, Daniel Craig, and Ed Sheeran. He then proceeded to fashion a gold bracelet. A 22-year old crashed a wedding, but was kicked out and the police were called. When the police showed up, he bit the police dog’s ear. A mother cat crashed into a clinic to be with her abandoned kittens. Harrison Ford crashed a wedding in a helicopter on accident, but took a picture with the bride and groom to make up for the accident. Bill Murray crashed one of The Who’s parties with some of his fellow SNL members. It was the party to be at and was invite only.
Slacker says he’s smart and could do the tech side of the operation, but doesn’t have the swagger to fit in or make up a story. He thinks Steve could sneak into something successfully because he knows a little something about everything and can turn a conversation in any way.
Steve is better sneaking out than sneaking in. He did sneak into an equestrian event at the Olympics when he was younger.
Slacker says nothing is scary about their job. When he was a courier, he sometimes got boxes with the biohazard labels on them. He dives for fun, but some people dive to weld things deep underwater.
Steve says when Slacker fainted during the show he was scared because he didn’t know what to do. He’s never scared of the recording artists at the studios or talking to them. One of his buddies works at a radio station and he had to go on low power because they were fixing the tower. The tower jumper fell and smashed his truck.
What’s the scariest thing you’ve had to do at your job?
Megan's younger sister is “obsessed” with painkillers. She doesn't understand why she can't just stop taking them. It’s putting her parents in a tough position. Her sister has a past of being needy. She just wants to help her sister, but isn’t sure if it’s an attention thing or in spite of something.
Slacker says Megan probably feels neglected because her sister is getting too much attention from her parents. He said everyone who he knows who was addicted to pain pills still does them, even after rehab. He was in the hospital for a kidney stone and began to understand how people can get addicted.
Steve says that her sister is addicted and she doesn’t get it. He also knows people who are addicted to pain pills and still use them.
What advice do you have for Megan to help her, help her sister?
A man in Missouri won't be getting a "get out of jail free" card after being arrested at a Monopoly tournament over the weekend. In past years, he has shown unsportsmanlike like conduct and was asked to sit out this year, which is when he threw a fit. The most popular piece in Monopoly is the top hat. A game of LIFE ended in an arrest because a man landed on the wife and kids spot and mentioned he was already married and his wife took offense. They got into an argument which led to the police. A game of Scattergories led to the police being called over a loud dispute.
11 Board Games Most Likely to Spark Actual Fights: 1. Cranium
6. Apples To Apples
Slacker can’t believe a man was arrested at a Monopoly tournament, but also can’t believe there is a Monopoly tournament. He prefers the thimble, ship or dog in Monopoly. He has gotten in a fight while playing Jenga.
Steve prefers the car. His neighbor made a Jenga set of 2 by 4’s to make a giant Jenga set.
Some of 2015's Scariest Haunted Houses are McKamey Manor, House of Shock, Blackout, and Blood Manor. The majority of these haunted houses require you sign a waiver. A type of waiver that stops your family from suing the company if you are literally scared to death. At McKamey Manor, you have to sign a waiver and it can take up to 7 hours to complete. When Slacker and Steve went to a couple of haunted houses with some of the studio employees, one of the guys screamed like a woman being murdered and jumped onto Slackers back. A husband, wife, and daughter went to a haunted house and were chased by a chainsaw guy. The husband threw the daughter to the side who tripped over the wife and the husband ran out without the daughter and wife.
Slacker and Steve went to a haunted house and claims that Steve jumped on his back because he was so scared. Slacker wants to send Steve to McKamey Manor to test Steve’s toughness. He says Steve is always at the front because the person at the back always gets chased because the employees know they are the wimps.
Steve says he wouldn’t scream or anything, but would be startled. He says he doesn’t get scared from scary movies or things like that.
Lil D’s dad is a DJ and was doing a promotion for haunted houses. He brought Lil D and his brother to the haunted house when they were seven and four. There was a guy at the exit door with a chainsaw that chases people. His dad paid the guy at the exit to chase him and his brother and not stop. HE hasn’t been to a haunted house since.
What stories do you have about going to or working in haunted houses?
A couple in Portland was sleeping when the guy woke up to a burglar kissing his face, in his bed, lying next to him. The burglar has a soul patch, which makes the kisses sound even worse! Firefighters rescued a drunk man who woke up on the toilet in a stadium. A homeless man woke up on an autopsy table because he was believed to be dead from multiple infections. A hunter woke up to a black bear biting his head. He ended up escaping, but it took him days to get medical attention.
Slacker has woken up to his kid puking on him. He says instead of having a do not resuscitate, he’d have a triple check to see if I am dead note.
Steve says he would rather be woken up by being puked on rather than being kissed by a strange man.
“Yi, I’m 24 years old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. It was a love at first sight thing for him, but I took some time to warm up to him. Now, I love him and feel very secure in our relationship, but I still question whether he is “the one”. I’ve always wanted to move across the country and have thought that once I do, our relationship would end because my boyfriend has a great career in our current city and he wouldn’t want to give that up.
Recently, my boyfriend has been saying he wants to go with me when I move. I’m really happy about this because I don’t want to break up with him, but I also don’t know if I should let him uproot his entire life and career for me if I’m not 100% sure that we are meant to be. Should I roll the dice and let him come with me or avoid potential disaster and end things when I leave?”
Slacker thinks it’s a little weird that she didn’t have love at first sight. He says it’s not her fault if he moves with her and it doesn’t work out. He is curious if she has told him that she isn’t sure he is the “one”. He thinks it needs to be said before he uproots his life. He would want to take the boyfriend with him if he were in her situation. He says it’s okay to be a little selfish, but it will be a test of whether she wants to save herself or save him.
Steve says women know when they are in love and is wary that she didn’t see it at first. He doesn’t feel the “homerun” with their relationship from her letter. He thinks you won’t know if it’s true love until you are apart and you end up missing each other and stay in love.
What advice do you have for her? Should she let her boyfriend uproot or should she end the relationship before things potentially get messy?
An English man recently confessed murder because a tarot card reader flipped the death card. She called the cops and it turns out he actually murdered his roommate. A man in Hollywood bought the winning Powerball ticket because a psychic told him money was coming his way in the future. A psychic is suing New York State because he told officers vital information about the two escaped inmates, all which ended up being true. The guys talked to psychic Meghan Ralph, of Soular Radiant.
Slacker believes in this kind of stuff. Meghan got a vibe about Slacker’s daughter. She thinks his daughter is having issues because there is a lack of something at their house. He says it’s true because his wife went back to work.
Steve says since the English man told the psychic about murdering his roommate without her asking, the psychic didn’t do squat. Meghan says she feels that Steve has distanced himself from something large and he doubts his actions now. She thinks he distanced himself from a friend. She also felt there is some tension with his car. He said he had to get a lot of work done on his car.
A driver in Texas was caught on camera swerving into a couple on a motorcycle after they tried to pass him on a two lane road. When the driver was told he hit the couple he continued to say "I don't care." The motorcyclists were injured, but nothing fatal. A woman honked at a motorcyclist and the motorcyclist stopped and stabbed her tires. A man was charged with road rage when he used his car to push an SUV into a house. A man was arrested for using pepper spray during a traffic incident. A pink brick was thrown through a Nashville woman’s windshield. A man threated teens with a machete after a road rage incident.
Slacker thinks the driver was absolutely crazy in hip checking the motorcyclists off the road. He said no one else’s life was in danger other than the motorcyclists, so the driver shouldn’t have cared.
Steve says if the motorcyclists didn’t illegally try to pass the man, this never would have happened.
David is divorced and his wife has primary custody of their 7-year old kid. The wife is remarried, but travels a lot with her job. So the son is stuck with the step-dad, Gary and David doesn't like that their son is spending more time with the step-dad. He wants more custody of their kid if his wife continues to travel as often as she does. David just wants to spend more time with his son, rather than his son spending time with Gary.
Slacker says it would kill him if another man was “fathering” one of his children. He thinks David sounds a little jealous of Gary. David said that’s exactly what it is. He wouldn’t want his son crawling into bed with another male after a nightmare, but he also doesn’t want his son to be in his room crying about the nightmare.
Steve isn’t sure what to think about the fact that David’s son crawls into bed with Gary when his mom isn’t home if he has a bad nightmare. But, he does understand that the child needs to be soothed and Gary is the only option in that situation.
Getting a love letter from your child can be the best thing in the world...unless it's scratched into the side of your car with a screwdriver. That's just what a little girl did to show her dad how much she loved him. A 3-year old got hold of a lighter and lit the underneath of a mattress on fire. It then set the house on fire and destroyed it. A 10-year old threw a temper tantrum in a Dollar Store and wrecked one of the aisles. He was taken out the store by an employee after the police were called.
Slacker doesn’t want to share the story about the little girl because he is afraid his daughter might be a copycat. He thinks you have to say thank you, but must find a different outlet for her to write. His daughter copied Rapunzel from Tangled and colored all over her walls. He says he never had an interest in playing with fire.
Steve says you can’t pat the girl on the head after she damaged your car because she will do it again. He admits to playing with fire and accidentally lighting a corn field on fire.
Lil D screens the calls here at Slacker and Steve. Sometimes he has to turn callers away because he has too many callers waiting and can't fit them into the show schedule. He feel's bad about it, but he can't help it! It's his job. Lil D’s brother gets in this situation all the time. He works at a bank and gets yelled at for late fees even though he doesn’t set the late fees or anything related to it.
Slacker brought up the scene in “Knocked Up” where the bouncer at a club won’t let in sisters because they are too old and pregnant. But, it was his job to keep the club full of hot women. He has seen too many employees at McDonald’s get yelled at because they couldn’t serve breakfast after a certain time (now they can).
Steve says they can’t play requests, it’s not their job. He wants to play requests, but he doesn’t have the authority to.
Lil D feels bad when people call in to tell him to stop playing a certain song. He doesn’t have control over what songs we do and don’t play. He hates turning callers away. He was threatened by a caller because he couldn’t put the guy on air immediately.
What's something you get blamed for when you're not really the "bad guy"?
Pompeii is the ancient Roman city that was covered in volcanic ash in 79 AD. Many tourists have been returning stolen relics, claiming they've had nothing but bad luck since they took the items from Pompeii. Billy Sianis brought his goat into a World Series game. Patrons were complaining that his goat stunk. He was thrown out of the stadium and said, “Them Cubs, they ain't gonna win no more.” The cubs haven’t won a world series since. A group of Rugby players got together to take a picture. Everyone in the picture is either injured or can’t play. James Dean had a cursed Porsche that might have been found in Bellingham. A lot of people who have driven the car died driving.
Slacker is a bit weary, but he wants to believe the Chicago Cubs curse. There was a candy dish at the studios, but the person was fired. The next person to use the candy dish was fired, as well as the next person to use it.
Steve doesn’t believe in curses. He thinks people who believe in them are self-fulfilling. He only believes the Slacker and Steve studios candy dish.
"I recently started a new job and I'm attracted to my manager. We've been flirting for 3 or 4 weeks. He kissed me in the elevator last week. It wasn't a real passionate kiss, but it was still a kiss. Office gossip says he's separated from his wife. My best friend says my boss may use me. My cousin says I should go for it. Do office romances ever work? Should I pursue this? -Courtney"
Slacker had a similar situation, but he was in the boss’s position. He says it was a mutual thing, flirting both ways. He knew it wasn’t going to end well though. This boss made the move on Courtney, so game on for her.
Steve had an office romance and it ended badly. She tried to turn everyone against him and then he couldn’t hook up with anyone else. He thinks if you are a female subordinate with a male boss, then go ahead. The game is in your court.
A father in Florida claims his 6-year old daughter was sent home in just a t-shirt and underwear after she had a potty accident. Her father says she has a medical condition and when she has to go, she has to go. Poor little girl! A girl was jumping on a trampoline and couldn’t contain her bladder and left a trail of pee on the trampoline. It was rumored that Victoria Beckham peed her pants because there was a wet spot on her pants when she and her husband left a club. Victoria has said that a drink was spilt on her.
Slacker has “NEVER, EVER” had an accident. He is fascinated by people who have accidents.
Steve had an accident similar to this when he was younger. He was in Kindergarten and waiting to use the one unisex bathroom. He couldn’t hold it and just let it go. The teacher had to call the janitor to clean it up and all the kids saw. His mom brought him an extra change of clothes though.
Steve was at home when he heard a knock at his door. It was a delivery guy who was trying to deliver a cookie bouquet to a house around the corner from Steve; the delivery guy said Steve was the only one in his neighborhood who was home. Steve said it wasn't his job to deliver the bouquet. The delivery guy got all puffy and snotty.
Slacker thinks Steve may have done the right thing. He agrees with Lil D to a point, but thinks Steve did the right thing because he didn’t feel comfortable. He would only do things for his neighbor’s three houses to the right or left of his.
Steve thought someone had sent him a cookie bouquet when the delivery guy knocked at his door. He was very disappointed to learn that he was being recruited to deliver the bouquet. He didn’t want to have to answer the door a second time when the neighbors came to pick up the bouquet.
Lil D thinks Steve was being a jerk. He was there and he does nothing so he could just spend a few minutes to keep the cookies until the neighbors picked them up.
Was Steve a jerk? Should he have taken the delivery?
Navy veteran Sean Mace was in San Francisco to see the Blue Angels fly. He got to a park early to secure a good spot with a view under a tree, read a book, and fell asleep. He woke up in the hospital because his skull was cracked open by a 16 pound pine cone that fell from the tree. Kourtney Kardashian’s kid Penelope was hit in the head with the car door. A soccer referee was hit in the head with a soccer ball and found out he had a brain tumor. He said the soccer ball saved his life. A 65-year old man hit a 70-year old man over the head with a beer bottle because they were arguing about a stolen beer.
Slacker was hit in the head with an airplane door when he threw bags for a job.
Steve was hit in the eye with a baseball at close range. He had to have it reconstructed because it “blew up.”
Candy's marriage has become sexless and she is hitting her peak. Her husband seems totally disinterested and she doesn't know what to do. He told her to "just go sleep with someone else." Candy doesn't know if she should do as her husband suggest or not.
Slacker asked Candy if her husband’s age could affect his sex drive, but there is only a 9-month age gap. He then asked if she though he was having an affair. She thought about it, but said in her gut that she doesn’t think he is. He was once put in a situation where his significant other told him he could sleep with another woman. But, he didn’t know what to do.
Steve says there is nothing to the marriage except the fact they are living with each other when there is no sex. He thinks there is a husbandly duty to fulfill your significant other’s needs.
Parents on the website Reddit were given this question: What is one shocking secret your kids will never learn about you?
"That she was conceived during a threesome."
"That I've done more hallucinogens than he or his friends could ever dream of doing. I used to love LSD."
"That daddy and I don't go to "dinner parties" we hit up swing clubs."
"That one of my sons was conceived while a random guy watched on Skype."
"We drove to the abortion clinic (like the time before) but backed out at the last g-damn second. Son, you will never know this and I love you."
Slacker can’t think of any secrets he has that he would never tell his kids. He never asked his parents how he was conceived and never wants to know. He thinks it’s appropriate to tell your kids you did some drugs, but don’t tell them you did them all the time.
Steve will never have kids because he has too many dark secrets. Though, if he did have kids, he would be completely honest with them…if they ever asked. Steve said that every kid probably ponders that they were almost aborted, but then quickly realized that his parents had plans for everything and Slackers parents were Catholic.
What is something your kids will never know about you?
A man in Oregon was eating a Subway sandwich when he found a dead rat in it. According to the health department, the rat was sealed in the bag of spinach that was being used by Subway. In India, a living rat was found in a bag of high fiber bread. A woman was washing the grapes she recently purchased and found a black widow spider. Luckily she was able to catch the spider before it escaped or bit her. A mother took her kids to Wendy’s and bought them kids meals. The toy that came with the meal had a racist note in it.
Top 10 Grossest things found in food:
Can of tuna-Tongue eating louse
Loaf of bread-Mouse baked into it
McDonalds Coffee-Dead mouse
Chicken McNuggets-Fried Chicken Head
Fried Chicken-Chicken Brains (or liver, not confirmed)
Sealed pack of Bananas-Scorpion
Golden-Boy crispy anchovy snacks-Cockroach
Slacker says he will lose ten pounds after talking about this because he will not eat for a while. He would want anything in his food to be dead (or lethargic).
Steve says he’d want the thing in his food to be alive because you can see it before you eat it. Then it can walk to someone else’s plate and he can continue to eat. Steve doesn’t eat healthy, and this isn’t going to help him start.
Lil D wants little things to be dead so they can’t move in his mouth, but big things to be alive so he can see them.